…and it’s important, for me, to remember that sometimes it’s ok to stay down for awhile, just rest, just breath.
Even when you are aware of how precious the present is…you can still long for the future to bring home those you love. Missing our man….
Oh the stories I could tell…we are all born into this mysterious world not knowing from where we have come or where we will go. Born into riches, born into poverty, born into perfect bodies, born broken or torn, born into sound minds, born into confused darkness, born into love, born into chaos. None of us choose our position, none of us can take credit, or blame, for our beginnings.
From this beginning we learn to become a player in an ever changing, stochastic game of life. Those born with certain attributes (i.e. riches, perfect bodies, sound minds, loving environments, etc.) have a higher likelihood of remaining in their assigned realm of the game, it generally takes an extreme act to move one on the spectrum to the next realm, just as those born at the other end of the spectrum (i.e. poverty, broken body, confused darkness, chaos, etc.) generally remain in their realm with low likelihood of moving on the spectrum.
As the game is played many players move up and down the spectrum in small increments while a few make extreme leaps across the spectrum. What are the catalysts that increase our rate of change and how much can we claim is our own creation? Wealth/economic condition? Health/physical and mental? Environment/familial and geographical?
I know I am just another game piece on the board but I often get caught up in believing I am in control of the game. This delusion also, intentionally or not, leads me to believe that those around me are also in control of their position in the game.
We are often told or led to believe that we are in control and as a result we feel pride and/or shame at our circumstances. We also judge others based on their circumstances. And, although I so want to believe that we have some agency in this game, in my heart and mind I know that randomness has more agency than we. Most of us are aware that we could lose everything with one fatal or near-fatal accident or one major crisis, however we often ignore that reality in order to go on living in this game.
So, we continue to play the game, we continue to play at control, and we continue to move on the spectrum as the game throws the dice and our resilience is tested. A single throw of the dice can change your economic position, your health situation, your familial or geographic location. And then we all sit back and watch as the pieces move or fall and most of us sit back and judge as if we are controlling the game.
What do we really control? To some degree, with a sound mind, we may control our responses to these changes, but I am hard pressed to imagine that we truly control much more.
And so…we must be kind, we must be generous, and we must let go of believing that we are the architects and directors of the game, or that others are the architects and directors of theirs.
What does this mean for you or me? Only we can answer this for ourselves or maybe even that is left up to the game…
Ramblings from a broken body who has just experienced an undesired shift on the spectrum. My heart aches for those of you who have been born into an unfair game or have experienced an extreme shift that has moved your place on the spectrum to one that you no longer recognize or desire.
Love and Light,
Well, here I sit officially retired. Truly hard to believe. Those first few moments driving home left me somewhere between elated and with a strong desire to puke. Elation has temporarily won out but the urge to puke does well-up occasionally. Plans have not gone exactly as planned as our River Home is still on the market and so Greg continues to work until the home sells and he can join me on Krammes Mountain. In the meantime, I am slowly moving our life out to the farm and staying busy weeding, planting, painting, cleaning, packing, unpacking, and playing house with Greg on the weekends. So much opportunity and beauty here, looking forward to sharing it with family and friends. Once we finalize the sale/closing of our River Home we will get things in order on Krammes Mountain and find time to start having visitors and visiting others. So, I thought I would share a few pictures that I’ve taken as I’ve weeded, mulched, planted, and enjoyed the beauty of our new home.
So, there it is, life happening right before your eyes! Can’t wait to see you on Krammes Mountain!!
Oops! Almost forgot…and then there was Greg’s new hat, LMAO, he’s killing me up here!
Love and Light!
Throughout the journey there are many paths, many doors through which we pass; Sometimes the path is dark, the door is shut, and the thought of what lies beyond is both exhilarating and potentially perilous.
I have come to such a door, I have sat in contemplation of my life;
I have weighed my past experiences against what I’ve come to believe are the true treasures of life and I have found the way forward on my current path to be hollow.
When I look back I see so much beauty and joy, I see the love of my life and my beautiful children growing in my heart and spending endless hours together;
But when I look forward, it is void of these experiences; the current path does not allow for them.
So, it is time, perils be damned, to open that door and create a new future;
a future of endless time spent in self-exploration, relationship, and love; a future without the potential material wealth of the current path, but a future with so much more possibility; so much more time devoted to life’s treasures…self-exploration, relationship and love.
I didn’t wake up foolishly one day and just jump; I planned, I coordinated, I lit fires by which to see beyond; but the time has come, it is time to let go and let the journey take me where it may.
What shall I find? What shall I see? What shall I feel?
There is only one way to know; stop holding my breath, open the door, step onto the path and open my heart to all the possibilities beyond.
Wish me luck as I reach for that door…..
Work While They Sleep
Learn While They Party
Save While They Spend
Then Live Like They Dream
— Author Unknown